James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
