Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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