Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
