Where is the hickey?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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