Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im holly from the hills drunk
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
