i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
