You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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