So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
