I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize