I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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