At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
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A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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