You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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