i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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