she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
