Where are you?
In a non slutty way
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
