If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
