Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
