i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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