What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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