party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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