I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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