I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
