I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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