You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
