When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
