Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
