so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
