Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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