a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
