you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
