the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
