I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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