here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
