I hope mine doesn't look like that
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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