He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
no you cant smoke seaweed
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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