he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
