i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
