Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
