I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
