Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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