Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
