Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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