don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
