You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
