You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It all started with a game of naked twister.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
