so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
