You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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