so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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