Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
