if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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