margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
