Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
