Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
