I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
