i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
