To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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