does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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