it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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