dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
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Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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