Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
