i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
